I’m mourning for my uncle, who died a week ago. he was on a bicycle crossing a road and some asshole made a fast left turn and ran right over him. The emergency room didn’t do shit cause they couldn’t reach his ill guardian, my grandma, for whom he was going to a pharmacy to get medications at the time he was killed. he was divorced and we couldn’t track his estranged only son. no one knew anything about him. my grandma’s heart is broken into pieces, for he, her eldest son, was her main caretaker who somewhat held everything together in that household. i can’t even begin to think about the magnitude of loneliness and sorrow she’s feeling right now without falling deep and hard.
i’m confused. as always.
I think i skipped the whole sorrow and mourning thing and went straight to denial.
“such is my reality. A sad irrationality”
That’s actually a quote from a love poem.
So it goes.
I couldn’t care less about the Harry Potter series before, but I’ve been watching them - all. of. them. TWICE. (and possibly more) - ever since i came back from his funeral. I guess i’m finally understanding the high u get from the truly magical fantasy world (and I really mean those words), and, ironically enough, and incidentally, not so quite irrelevantly, it was death that got me there. And imagine the expanded awesomeness I would’ve possessed as a teacher when my little students were going nuts n hopping on about HP years ago if he died then!
I might be going slightly crazy at the moment. but then everyone and everything’s going backward these days. The ocean’s falling from the sky, the earth’s shattering constantly and people kill others for no good reason everyday.
It’s raining again and I think I’ll be okay. Eventually.
A good friend of mine was feeling very guilty that he didn’t keep in touch with people who he considered very good friends since he was very young. he kept saying how he could’ve done much better to stay in touch and how they’re making him feel guilty that he kept distance.
I say brother please! get yourself out of your own jail. friendships come and go. nothing really lasts in this world and u gotta take comfort in the fact that you meet new people who help u realize who u r as an evolving being. If those old friends are putting you on a guilt trip for not contacting them for a long time because you were thousands of miles away, that’s their own problem. Correction: it’s their fault as much as it is yours. Whether it’s friendship or relationship, it takes two to tango. you might not have done enough to keep the friendship going, but that also means they didn’t do their part either.
Do not put yourself in a confinement where you feel like you have to act or say in certain ways for everyone to come to this enlightenment so to speak. there’s always a time and place for that and people who may think that they have control over such tactics are delusional.
People change. We’re never the same person. Every second we breath in and out is like the dead skin that’s ready to be exfoliated off or like a finger nail that’s on its way to becoming cumbersome. Sometimes u just gotta clip it off and move on, cause it just doesn’t work so well together anymore.
We all do what we can. Let’s be frank and not be sorry for who we are. Stop feeling guilty because life is too fucking short for that kinda lame useless regrets. Focus of things that are good, reliable and patient. And be the kind of person who can be a source of reliability, patience and comfort.
Be proud of the kind of positive morales, conscientiousness, and care for people and the world you have, which is plenty already, and try to divert that toward people or causes that appreciate what you can offer. Stop fucking around with people who try to milk that out of you. We all do what we can and if what you can do is not enough for others, then they need to step back and think about what they can do for others is up to par with what they expect from others.
Patchworks pays tribute to the legendary Gil Scott Heron. RIP Gil.
Liner notes from heavenlysweetness:
Gil Scott Heron has joined Lady Day and John Coltrane in the pantheon of African-American artists. His influence on modern music is claimed by both artists soul and hip-hop singers as pop or rock. Patchworks, musician and producer behind many excellent projects as funky Mr President,Mister Day, was also transformed by listening to the poet’s soul. He has dedicated both emotional themes that evoke the wonderful compositions of mid-70s with Brian Jackson, who’s flute calls to mind Guillaume Clary. ‘Lady Day with RIP, RIP with John Coltrane’.
release date : july 2011 Label : Heavenly Sweetness
The moment when after many years
of hard work and a long voyage
you stand in the center of your room,
house, half-acre, square mile, island, country
knowing at last how you got there,
and say, I own this,
is the same moment when the trees unloose
their soft arms from around you,
the birds take back their language,
the cliffs fissure and collapse,
the air moves back from you like a wave
and you can’t breathe.
No, they whisper, You own nothing.
You were a visitor, time after time
climbing the hill, planting the flag proclaiming,
We never belonged to you.
You never found us.
It was always the other way around.
“There is always gonna be that one person, the one who got away, the one who fucked you up, the one who broke your heart, the one you swore you would love forever. That person, who becomes not even a person at some point, but becomes this overwhelming being, this sense of loss that you carry with you. They are not worth it. Seriously, stop crying right now. Maybe you cannot see it right now, maybe all the other stuff that gets tossed in the pile of human relationships make it very hard to see, but people who treat you badly, are bad.”—Unknown (via atomos)